Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
