rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
