i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
