Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
