bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
