you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i think i just lost a toe
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