You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
