ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
