the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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