I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
