i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
