the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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