He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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