Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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