im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
