My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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