while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hippo gnu deer
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize