Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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