just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
