Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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