operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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