have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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