Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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