Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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