its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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