Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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