I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i came on her dog
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
