Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
