I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
