i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So vagazzling was a success
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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