I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
