And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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