if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize