I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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