You can't motorboat a personality
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
