Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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