Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
