Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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