when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
