Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
