Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
