I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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