as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
