y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
