I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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