I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
