just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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