new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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