i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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