You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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