After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
