obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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