You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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