Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
