Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
