So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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