Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize