Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
