I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
