i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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