I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
