i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
