WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
