i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i came on her dog
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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