I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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