Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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