Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How naked do you want me to be?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
