dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
