just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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