I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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