your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
