so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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