If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
