New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
