my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
