I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize