I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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