Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
