Well apparently he's into motor boating.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
