return my video game
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
