Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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