Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
