If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
