His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
