we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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