Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
