I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
