In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
