were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize