So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
