You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
