how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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