her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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