What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize