i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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