Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
someone owes me an orgasm
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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