Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
