Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
