That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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