We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
