Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
