I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
