Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
