i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
