census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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