Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize